Between Worlds

I’m the only light-skinned infant in the family,

the one who looks like the milkman’s baby.

I’m that Brooklyn-born Dominicana with “crazy” hair,

used to relax it for seven years straight,

thinking I looked prettier that way—’cause Grandma used to say so.

Raised in the Trujillo era,

brainwashed into believing you had to marry lighter,

conditioned to say things like,“You have to refine the race.”

By twelve, Grandma said I was ready to marry—

just ’cause.I was finally domesticated.

So now I understand why Mami was the way she was:

the unbreakable heroine,

breaking her back doing the back-breaking work

of cleaning hotel rooms,

hustling to break the cycle

just so she could send her four daughters to college,

dreaming our lives would be better than hers.

So now I hope she’s making love with God.

But sometimes I question His existence,

can’t quite grasp why bad things happen to good people.

And now Grandma is asking me to have a baby before she dies.

“But lady… I ain’t married.”

“That’s because you’re too picky,” she said.

And for the first time, Grams was right.

But I can’t help being a product of my environment.

I have one too many daddy symptoms to trust a man,

one too many goals to settle down.

I ain’t ready to take a leap of faith just yet.

So I bungee-jump off the edge of sanity

by switching up the routine.

I’m a creature of habit,

still trying to find balance—

too Americanized for my family,

not enough for the corporate ladder.

All my uncles are scared of having me too close to their daughters,

afraid my attitude might spread like Vicks

and rub off on them.

They might chop their hair, escape the hood,

travel the world alone like I did.

Independence is contagious—

just not very ladylike.

So sometimes I wear four-inch stilettos to compensate.

Calluses forming over the inner conflict of my two worlds,

leaving me lost between where I come from

and where I’m trying to go.

These roads cross like crossroads,

but only intersect in my mind,

where perpendicular dreams fall short of parallel realities.

And my reality?

I’ve worked twice as hard just to get half as much—still chasing progress

with fifty-six cents to his dollar.

Twenty years in corporate had me code-switching,

questioning myself like,

Do I even matter?

And this—this—is who you get

when the facade drops,

when the onion layers peel back.

So who am I?

I’m Black.

Hispanic.

Latina.

Taína.

Negra.

Morena.

Dominicana.

Americana.

Afro-Latina.

Hustling just like my mother,

becoming the heroine of my own journey,

still trying to break the cycle

so my daughters’ lives will be better than mine.

Now it’s your turn.

Who are you?

Navigating Identity: A Dominican Woman's Journey Between Cultures and Expectations

Growing up as the only light-skinned infant in a family rooted deeply in Dominican culture brings a unique set of challenges and reflections. The feeling of being the "milkman’s baby" in a family, the struggle with hair that defies easy categorization, and the pressure to conform to ideals shaped by history and family expectations create a complex identity landscape. This post explores the journey of a Dominican woman balancing the weight of cultural heritage, family expectations, and personal aspirations while navigating life between two worlds.

Brooklyn street scene with Dominican flag, symbolizing cultural roots and identity

The Weight of Family Expectations

In many Dominican families, especially those shaped by the Trujillo era, colorism and traditional gender roles have left lasting marks. The idea that marrying someone lighter-skinned could "refine the race" is a painful legacy that influences how young women see themselves and their futures. Being told at twelve that marriage is the next step, simply because of age and tradition, can feel like a loss of agency.

This pressure is not just about marriage but about fitting into a mold that has been passed down through generations. The expectation to be "domesticated" clashes with personal dreams and ambitions. For many women, this means balancing respect for family values with the desire to forge their own path.

Understanding the Strength of Maternal Figures

Behind these expectations often stands a mother who has sacrificed everything. The unbreakable heroine who works tirelessly, cleaning hotel rooms or doing back-breaking labor, to ensure her daughters have opportunities she never had. This mother’s dream is simple yet profound: a better life for her children.

Recognizing this sacrifice brings a new perspective. It explains the toughness, the strictness, and sometimes the harsh words. It also inspires resilience and determination to break cycles of hardship. This understanding can be a source of strength when navigating the complexities of identity and ambition.

Struggling with Identity and Appearance

Hair, skin tone, and physical appearance carry heavy cultural significance. The choice to relax hair for seven years, influenced by a grandmother’s idea of beauty, reflects the internal conflict many face. It’s a desire to fit in, to be seen as beautiful by family and society, even if it means suppressing natural traits.

This struggle is about more than aesthetics; it’s about belonging and acceptance. Being a "Brooklyn-born Dominicana" with "crazy" hair means living between cultures, never fully fitting into one or the other. It’s a constant negotiation of identity, where every choice feels loaded with meaning.

Questioning Faith and Fate

Faith often plays a central role in Dominican families. Prayers, hopes, and the belief in God’s plan provide comfort. Yet, witnessing hardship and injustice can lead to doubt. Why do bad things happen to good people? This question is deeply personal and universal.

The tension between faith and doubt shapes how one approaches life’s challenges. It can lead to a more nuanced spirituality, one that embraces questions and uncertainty rather than blind acceptance. This evolving faith becomes part of the journey toward self-understanding.

The Challenge of Trust and Relationships

Growing up with "one too many daddy symptoms" creates barriers to trusting men and forming relationships. This mistrust is a protective mechanism shaped by experience and environment. It complicates decisions about marriage and family, especially when pressured by older generations.

Balancing personal goals with relationship expectations requires self-awareness and courage. Choosing not to settle down immediately is a valid choice, reflecting a desire to build a strong foundation before taking significant leaps of faith.

Finding Balance Between Cultures and Ambitions

Living between cultures means constantly adjusting. Being "too American" for family and "not enough" for the corporate ladder creates a sense of not fully belonging anywhere. This balancing act involves:

• Embracing cultural heritage while adapting to new environments

• Pursuing education and career goals without losing connection to family values

• Navigating social expectations with personal authenticity

  
  

This journey is ongoing and requires flexibility, patience, and self-compassion.

Practical Steps for Navigating Identity

For those facing similar challenges, here are some practical ways to find balance:

• Reflect on your values: Identify what matters most to you beyond external expectations.

• Communicate openly: Share your feelings and goals with family to build understanding.

• Seek supportive communities: Find groups or mentors who understand your cultural background and ambitions.

• Celebrate your uniqueness: Embrace your appearance, heritage, and experiences as strengths.

• Set personal goals: Focus on what you want to achieve, not just what others expect.

  
  

These steps can help create a path that honors both heritage and individuality.

Navigating identity as a Dominican woman between cultures and expectations is a complex journey filled with challenges and growth. It involves understanding family sacrifices, questioning inherited beliefs, and forging a path that respects both tradition and personal dreams. This journey is not about choosing one world over another but about creating a space where both can coexist, allowing for a fuller, richer sense of self.